A few days ago you turned three months old. It’s amazing to see how much things can change in such a short amount of time.
Before we got pregnant, your daddy & I were excited at the prospect of becoming parents. When I was pregnant, we felt the same way. I loved being pregnant! It was such an amazing experience. Although it had it’s drawbacks (nausea, spontaneous vomiting, exhaustion, insomnia, etc), it was well worth it. In just a few short months we were going to get to meet our child!
The last couple of weeks of pregnancy were stressful for me. You flipped to breech position, and because of this, your birth did not happen the way I had hoped or planned for. I must admit this made me a bit sad. We came to terms with the new “plan”, and then you went and surprised us again by coming earlier than the scheduled c-section.
The morning of your birth was probably the most amazing experience of my life, but I was also somewhat disappointed by the way things turned out. Because of the drugs I had to have for the c-section, I don’t feel like I was completely present in the delivery room. And I am still sad that I wasn’t the first person to get to hold you once you arrived. In fact, I didn’t get to hold you until we got to the recovery room almost an hour later. I was sad that I didn’t get to watch you get your first bath, and that I didn’t get to change your first diaper. For the first 24 hours I really didn’t get to do much except hold you and feed you…and even that didn’t go very well.
I hear so many people talk about how they fell instantly in love with their babies. In those first few weeks I remember feeling like the worst mother in the world because I didn’t feel that overwhelming sense of love; more than anything, I was just overwhelmed. I even called your daddy at work one day, bawling my eyes out, convinced that I would never be a good mother to you. I loved you and would have done anything for you, but I didn’t know if I could really handle this motherhood thing. What had I gotten myself into?
Since those early weeks, so much has changed. As time went on, I felt like we were bonding more and more. At your two-month appointment, when the doctor was holding you and I was out of your sight, you turned your head and frantically searched for me. It was one of the first times I felt truly connected to you and I will always remember it. When you started to smile and respond more and more, it was amazing.
And now you’re “talking”, and every time we have a conversation, my heart melts a little bit. It is quite possibly the cutest thing ever. I’ve done my best to get it on video, but you have become camera shy! I try to catch that adorable smile on camera, but it always disappears when you see that big scary thing mama’s always pointing at you. You’ll be talking up a storm, so I’ll get the camera to videotape it, and the second you see it you stop and just stare like, “Why is that thing here again?”
I have to say that one of the things that probably has improved everyone’s moods in the house is that you like to sleep! You have been sleeping through the night for about three weeks now. Most nights you’ll sleep from about 9 PM until 7 AM the next morning. The first time you did it, your daddy was convinced something was wrong; he talked me into going into your room and trying to wake you up. Has he not heard the phrase “Never wake a sleeping baby”? On the rare occasion that you do wake for a middle-of-the-night feeding, we are able to feed you a bottle and you’re back to sleep in less than thirty minutes. Needless to say, it’s much easier for everyone involved when we’re not having to get up every two hours.
My favorite time of day is when you first wake in the morning; you smile instantly when one of us comes to get you from your crib, and that smile makes it so much easier to start the day. Some days we get a chance to lay in bed with daddy for a few minutes before he has to go to work, and the look on his face is absolutely priceless. He is 100%, head-over-heels, in love with his little Lysie. And I have to tell you a little secret: your daddy is not a morning person, so anyone who can get him to smile as much as you can at 7 AM must have some magical powers.
If there’s one thing that your coming into our lives has done is proven to us that having a family is the most fulfilling thing we could do together, and we kind of can’t wait to have a little brother or sister for you. Your daddy and I are so happy that you chose us to be your parents, and we promise to do the very best we can for you in the coming years. We will make mistakes along the way, but we hope that you will be able to forgive us. We’re new at this, and learning as we go. So far, though, it’s been pretty great…and I have a feeling it’s only going to get better.
I love you!
(I got the idea to write this letter to Elyse from Heather Armstrong who writes my favorite blog, Dooce. She writes a monthly newsletter to her 4-year-old daughter Leta. I don’t have the material or the energy to do anything that creative, and I definitely cannot write as eloquently as she does, but I was inspired to give it a try.)